do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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