He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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