Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
