We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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