She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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