It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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