where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
