I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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