did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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