It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
