yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
