i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
