I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
