U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Terrible idea I love it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
