Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
