You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You ruined the universe
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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