ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
