is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
