I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
