So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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