i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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