Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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