The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
