She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
