Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize