Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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