I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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