We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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