It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So gin and wine won't be happening again
vagina is talking i cant
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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