just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
