yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
