Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
