Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
