Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
