about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
