Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
