i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
