I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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