girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
