Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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