Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
