just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
