I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
