i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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