chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
