dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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