Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
