I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
