fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
