I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
