my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
