this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
